May 6th

It's May 6th and I've got a lot of feelings.

Dear Sister Froemming.
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church Christ of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Australia Sydney North Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.
You should report to the Provo missionary training center on Wednesday, May 6th 2015.

"Today is the first day of mission. This morning I had breakfast with Bill and Barb and my parents. Bill and my dad gave me a blessing. Then we went to the Provo temple and took pictures and said our goodbyes. Saying goodbye for 18 months was too big for my heart to understand all at once. But I did cry for the first time as we pulled into the MTC drop off zone. I got out of the car and some elders helped me get my luggage. I gave a last round of hugs, said one last goodbye and I was off. As soon as my feet hit those MTC grounds a huge smile took over my face. I was a mess as they handed me my badge, eyes full of tears and a crazy huge smile. But as I continued onto the grounds my eyes began to dry and I began to feel nothing but excitement! I love being a missionary! I can't believe it's only been one day. I'm so excited to begin this journey!" 

It was quite a journey. On May 6th, 2015 I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I had no idea how many more tears would be shed, how many more crazy huge smiles would involuntarily spread across my face. How many more experiences would be too big for my heart. And I had no idea how much I truly would love being a missionary.

Two years have passed and I can't say it's flown by. It feels like a lifetime. So much has happened. So much has changed. I have changed.

Today, May 6th, 2017 I am a different woman. I am much more confident. My mind and heart have expanded in many ways. I have new strengths, new weaknesses, new goals, new challenges.

But there is one thing today that I can say is exactly the same as it was May 6th, 2015. I believe God is my Father and He lives.  I believe Jesus Christ is my Saviour. And I feel love for my fellow men. I want others to understand these truths.

Today on May 6th, 2017 I had a very different experience than I did in the MTC. Today I team taught my less active grandparents about God and commandments with my sister's Jehovah's Witness boyfriend . It was a trip y'all lol I loved it. I don't think I could've done that on May 6th, 2015 but with these two years of experience and study and conviction I have developed a testimony that runs deep. It's in my bones. It's who I am. 

Don't get me wrong, 2017 Kirsten is so much more lost than 2015 Sister Froemming (and those who have been in the MTC will know how shocking that is lol). But regardless my mission experience has woven the Gospel of Jesus Christ into my heart. No matter how lost I feel or how short I fall, I can't deny what I know and what I believe. I can't forget what I've seen and what I've felt and what I've learned.

Things change, people change, life gets tougher than we've ever experienced before. But our knowledge and our faith, and our relationship with Divinity will change with us. It can grow stronger with us. It can struggle with us. It can conquer with us. Because we are just as dear to our Heavenly Father and just as understood by our Saviour today as we were on the most exciting day ever. I know they love confused, determined, irrational 2017 Kirsten just as much as they loved scared, excited, optimistic 2015 Sister Froemming. 

So here's to trying and learning and never forgetting how far we've come. We've still got a great journey ahead.

the best of 28 days

Spent 10 days adventuring around Dallas with my brother and his girlfriend. It was so amazing to see this city. But more amazing to spend time with them. We enjoyed a lot of awesome stuff together. City views, museums, the best barbecue and Tex mex to grace my taste buds, and just countless simple memories getting to be together. 

Naomi went to Disney and FaceTimed me so I could see the Fireworks. Friendship at it's finest. 



I've done a lot of soul searching in the wee hours of the morning this month. One night I pulled into my driveway at about 10:30 and I just knew I wasn't going to sleep. I stayed up all night de-cluttering, listening to podcasts and music, and thinking. I went down to the beach at 6 AM and listened to Tongan hymns and watched the sunrise. Real life magic. 



I had been thinking about chopping my hair off for about a month. When it first occurred to me I completely rejected the idea. I thought it was insanity. Long hair is kinda my thing and has been for a while. But I woke up on February 14th and just knew I had to cut my hair as soon as possible. I didn't know when I would find time in my day. But then I miraculously got a text from work asking me to come at 12 instead of 10. I called every salon with good reviews but none of them had availability. I ended up walking into Supercuts because I just HAD to have my hair chopped and soon. If not, I knew I would find myself with office scissors in my bathroom which would inevitably end in tears. There was a huge wait and I BARELY made it in and out with time to get to work, but I went for it. I haven't had any regrets. I feel like I didn't just get rid of hair but I got rid of all that I was ready to shed. 



I learned a lot about love and family. I'm sure lucky to have mine. I'm especially enjoying every opportunity I have to spend with this guy. 



Naomi saved my sanity more than a few times. This picture is from a night where plans fell through and I called Naomi and we went and walked around 30A and looked at art and food we couldn't afford. Then we went and ate food we could afford (Taco Bell), and finished off the night by dying her hair in our Bishop's bathroom. If you don't have a Naomi, get you a Naomi.



This is a super giddy, super nervous me trying to play it cool while really dying of joy internally. Does my face capture that? I got to meet Elder Jorg Kliebingat of the Seventy who I have admired for years. In 2014 he gave a talk that really inspired me and taught me something beautiful about the Savior. I studied it a lot before and during my mission. And then a few of my friends and I, on a whim, decided to drive to Jacksonville overnight to go to a conference, and this guy was the keynote speaker. AMAZING. He's sassy, and witty, and strong. I loved hearing from him. Seriously heaven sent. 

shades of February

I'm not sure how to get these feelings organized into words. And I'm not really going to worry too much about it. (If you're not into rapid fire analogies I would sit this one out.)

It's funny to me now that I once worried I wouldn't learn as much or progress as quickly at home as I did on my mission. A day hasn't come and gone without a new discovery and a connection with Heaven somehow. That's what matters isn't it?

Life has a new feel to it. A heaviness settling on my shoulders, a tear waiting in my eye, far-reaching thoughts continually trickling through my mind. It feels like an increase in gravity. It forces me to take my time. Things that once seemed simple now require increased effort. But I know it's supposed to be this way. I think this weightiness comes as a friend. It stops me from floating away. It reminds me of the significance of these moments. It's a long look into my eyes that leaves me wanting to be better. It's a plea for me to pause before I make decisions that will impact my forever. 

Things have admittedly become more complicated. Perhaps I've made them that way. It kinda sounds something I would do. Or it might be a result of everything ahead feeling wide open. I'm at a point in life where I'm supposed to be finding something though all I see is vast open spaces. I'm always looking around for something familiar, something to help me orient myself. I simply can't take an educated step forward without first looking back. I spend a lot of time with memories. I ache for them sometimes, but mostly I'm empowered by them. I can hardly find anything in those memories other than faith. Quietly woven through everything. I must use that faith to create, rather than hoping to stumble upon something when all I can see around me is horizon.  

I've learned this complex, heavy feeling is a package deal. It comes with an abundance of beautiful things. Belly laughs, doubts, 3 AM epiphanies, heartache, long talks, understanding, confidence and a lack thereof, questions, answers, unshakable love, connections, and I'm not sure if it's related or not but there seems to be a lot of dancing. 

With each new experience, with each new feeling, with each new challenge, I feel like I'm being introduced to a new color. Sometimes the color is funny, sometimes it reminds me of something that makes my eyes sting, sometimes this color causes a new kind of pain, sometimes I think this color is the most beautiful one I've ever seen. But no matter what shade it is, once I've experienced it, it becomes mine. It's a part of me. And once it's mine, I can paint with it for the rest of my life. I can use it to create with greater detail. I recognize it like an old friend when I see it again. I can appreciate when I see others who paint with this color too. 

I guess if we strip this down, I'm suggesting that life is wonderful. No, it's not as flowery and golden as I'd like it to be, but I quite literally thank God for that. Life couldn't be beautiful if it didn't suck sometimes. That's how we learn, that's how we discover, that's how we feel. Right now, I feel a little lost, and a lot happy. I feel overwhelmed and full of hope. I feel stressed, and wonderful, and alive. Whatever you're feeling now, I invite you to embrace it. Know whether good or bad, it won't last forever. This is your chance. Whatever you're going through, it has a purpose. This feeling is life reaching out to you. So feel it, let it change you in the best ways, and then paint.  

2 months, 1 beach

61 days have passed. A lot has been experienced. Much has changed. Coming home has placed me in a seemingly new world. New challenges, new adventures, new responsibilities, new perspective. 

Being here again is often disorienting. There are moments when it feels like it never happened. Like I never went across the world on so great an errand. But I did. It was real. Back in the same place, but I am different.

It's funny how sometimes I wish I was on a different beach right as I am standing on a perfectly good one. Moments continue to come and go like the tides. And each moment I spend wishing is one I've wasted. Today, I stood here on this beach. My toes in the sand, eating fresh fruit, listening to waves crash, letting the sun warm my skin. And I couldn't believe that even a particle of me was not absolutely overjoyed to be there. I couldn't believe a piece of me was dreaming of being somewhere else when I had a view like this.




We always seems to be craving something. But there's an abundance of soul satisfying matter within our reach. Waiting for something that will make us happy is a dangerous game. Working for that which brings eternal happiness, while savoring happy moments along the way, I think that's truly living.

So today I took out my headphones, closed my eyes, and listened closely. I leaned into the breeze, put my toes in the water, and I let the ocean make me feel small. I thanked Heavenly Father for this beach, and I didn't think so much about another one anymore.

A lot has changed in 61 days. But no passage of time or change in location can diminish the beauty of life, and the peace that comes from following the Savior of the World. He will be here to light the dreary, gladden the heart, and fill in the gaps. That will always be true, no matter where we go or how life changes. So let's trust Him. Let's be grateful for what we have, and cheerfully work for what we need. Life is good, and the view isn't bad either.

the journey

Excerpts from my little blue notebook.

Written on Wednesday November the 16th at 12:30 Australian Eastern Daylight Time.

"A few more moments with the wheels on the ground. I'm leaving a piece of my heart with Sydney. But it's a small price to pay for what it's given me.
This beautiful part of the world has been the backdrop for the best 18 months. It's the home of the people I love. It's where I've developed cherished relationships. It's here that my testimony and witness of Christ was sealed with sacrifice.
We've begun down the runway. I can't believe it's time to say goodbye. There's not much of a view anymore, but I can't peel my eyes away from the window. I just want to be here a little longer.
The city just came into view as we turned down the runway - my last look.
It's sunny and cool, just like the day I arrived.
Same city.
Same plane.
Same sunny day.
But now it's all different. I am different. And this place means something more to me now.

We're off, we're in the air. It's beautiful. Sparkling blue water, fluffy clouds, and bright blue sky. The city rises up above the rest of the land. I can see the shining white Opera House and the outline of the Harbour bridge. As we continue, I can see hundreds of miles of coast. I am sure I can see some of my old areas. I keep watching until the long stretch of coast fades completely away.
Goodbye Sydney."

Written on Wednesday November the 16th at 6:50 AM Pacific Standard Time.

"13 hours later. The sun is rising. Pale sky with the sun beginning to spread peach behind cool blue mountains. We're descending. A bed of white clouds occasionally interrupted by mountain tops. The plane turns and golden sunlight pours in through the window. We're getting closer. Level with the clouds, everything is white. We're coming down out of the clouds. Los Angeles appears. My first time seeing this city. Wheels hit runway. It feel good to be back on American soil. Closer to the people who matter most. "Here Comes the Sun" starts playing. I am reminded that a piece of my heart has been waiting for me here the whole time."

Written on Wednesday November the 16th at 7:15 PM Eastern Standard Time.

"Arriving in LA was surreal. It was colorful and fast and funny. The vibrant culture of America and what we stand for rung through the air in the hustle and bustle. I met some Elders going to Vancouver to begin their missions. I told them to love it, that it is the best life. Then I ran into a cluster of Elders and Sisters going home from the Los Angeles mission. the sisters hugged me and made me feel not so alone. Seeing them made me feel hopeful.

When we stood in line for the plane, I received a prompting to talk to a woman who came and sat down. I felt like I really wanted to do it, but I was worried about missing boarding. I had a feeling to just trust God and do it. As I began walking out of the boarding line towards her, there was an announcement that because of an international flight that came in, boarding was delayed for a few minutes. This gave me the opportunity to meet Meg, a Buddhist from Portland. She was incredibly friendly and open. I shared a Christmas card with her.

When I arrived at my gate to go to PCB in Atlanta, it felt like home already. Southern accents and friendly chats buzzed through the air. People actually said hello to me first. And two people I met praised me for my missionary service.

Now I'm sitting on the plane with other Floridians. We're gaining speed down the runway.
And we're in the air. Night sky and a sea of Atlanta city lights. One hour from home."

Wednesday November the 16th at 6:57 PM Central Standard Time.

"I can see it. I'm home."

And then this happened.